The Password is fishing
by Moonrays and fridays
Summary: There are letters, for Cassie and...some other people.What wisdom does Samantha Carter leave behind? A series of letters that Sam's written to say goodbye. Sorry, can't summarize, but give it a chance, eh?SPOILER WARNING: Lines in the sand
1. Chapter 1

**The Password is "Fishing"**

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_AN: Hi guys, this is my first fic in a while, I'm trying to get back into it, and this is the first time I've done something in this style, so be kind! I haven't been as obsessed with SG1 for a while, hence the lack of fic, so I hope this is okay! Feedback would be appreciated._

_This is based on the letters Sam mentioned leaving in "Lines in the sand". If it does well, I may start a series, with her writing ones to other characters too. Hope you like!_

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Dear Cass,

If you're reading this, I'm afraid I'm not coming back honey. I know this is horrible for you, and if there's anything in the world I regret, it's leaving you. But you won't be alone, the others will be there for you, you can count on it. As soon as they deal with trying to find someway to fix it, or hating the world, they will come and mourn with you. Teal'c you can count on for this, he's an excellent shoulder to cry on. Daniel will be good if you need someone to make you feel loved, as long as you can tear him away from his books. Don't think he doesn't care, we all have different ways of dealing with things.

And Jack? If he isn't there holding onto you and making sure you're alright, then I'm afraid you're going to have to be the strong one once again. You're going to have to pull him back to reality, because sometimes he hurts so much he can't deal with it except to push away. So I'm going to need you to make sure he doesn't end up a grouchy old man living alone with guilt and regret, because, God knows, even if he had absolutely nothing to do with it, he'll be blaming himself. I don't need to tell you any of this because you know it from experience. How many times have you been told we weren't coming back?

This is different. And as much as I hate to leave, and feel like I'm deserting you (No one should have to lose three moms in a lifetime, it's not fair) but I do not fear going. I have had the most amazing time, my life has been so full of adventure and scientific breakthroughs and danger and love.

The Stargate has allowed us to do and find so many things; we've brought back cures, new technology, ways of fighting and even defeating evil. But the best thing to have come through that gate was you. You have made all of our lives better, and you've given me the best thing in the world; the chance to be a mother to someone. Everyone used to ask why I never stopped and settled down, had a family. I told them I had one. I had the guys and I had you. That was all I ever wanted. And it's true, when it comes down to it we all have regrets, but my happiness and achievements far outweighed them. I am so grateful to have known and loved you, and please do not let yourself be consumed by hate like you were after Janet died. Sweetie, I know it's the natural way to feel, but move past that, and know that I'm okay with this. How could I not be, having a job like mine.

Just, do the best you can. I know you're going to be a wonderful doctor someday, that caring streak you got from your first mother, the bedside manner and skills you got from your second, and I hope that in some way I have inspired you too, even if it's only teaching you that a bad day can be solved with hot chocolate and cookie dough ice cream!

I've left my house to you, and there are some bits around the house that I gave you also, nothing of particular value besides sentimental, some jewellery, my mother's locket, some books. Feel free to take any pictures that I've got hanging up, make sure they're always around. Jack will take care of all the legal crap for you, even if he's dealing badly, he'll manage to do that. If you're going to force him, play on how much you love him, and how much he loves you. Don't whine or get angry, just be patient. I know you think he's superman (ever since he gave you that dog, for which I'm sure Janet never forgave him!) but he's fallible when it comes to members of his team. He's got a new life in Washington, and he's been trying hard to deal with the desk job. If you can, go spend some time with him, the longer you're around, the less he'll be able to brood.

And if they're not there? If they've died with me? Or if Teal'c is off fighting some epic battle, and Daniel's disappeared again, and Jack's off trying to prove that I'm alive? Then there's always General Hammond, or the area fifty one scientists you met, or any other air force people you charmed along the way. But I wouldn't worry, they'll be there as soon as they can. You are not alone in this world Cassie.

I suppose, if there's one thing I want to tell you to do, about how to live your life, it would be not to compartmentalize your feelings, don't put off dealing with things because they're too hard, or awkward. Feelings aren't meant to be suppressed or locked in rooms, Cass, they're meant to be felt, and enrich your life. Don't work so hard that everything else feels empty. Just because you're a doctor doesn't mean you have to be "The Doctor" all the time okay? Go out and be "The fool" or "The joker" or "The beautiful girl". You're allowed all those things, and you deserve them.

Don't wait to tell people how you feel about them, because it may be too late someday, and know that you deserve to be happy! Go and do whatever it is that makes you feel like the luckiest girl in the world!

And now, I'm going to end this, because I could write forever about how I feel and how to live, but I won't because it's your life, and as long as you're happy you should live it any way you please. We were never really conventional anyway were we? No, we had a strange life, with a twisted family that was never quite blood but twice as close. And I loved every minute of it.

Good luck sweetie.

I love you

Sam


	2. Daniel

**Chapter Two: Daniel**

_AN: Thanks for all the reviews, this is chapter two. As always, stargate is owned by the nice folks at MGM, gekko Corp et al. I just play. Oh, and I'm thinking of a sub series called "Dear Daniel" where Sam faces all the times they've had to deal with Daniel leaving/dying/getting captured/ascending etc. What do you think? Please review, better than cotton candy!_

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Dear Daniel,

This was not the letter I meant for you to have. The original was a long, overly mushy letter about how like a brother you have been to me over the past eight years, and how much I will miss you.

But, as always, we lost you again, this time to Adria. And ,as always, when you suddenly up and disappear, I have no idea how to deal. (I know that's surprising considering how frequently you do it.)

But, as this letter shows, I have faith in your return; that you will find and read this. That you will outlive me. How many alternate realities has that happened in now? The signs were there all along.

I have written you a letter every time you've died, left us, been captured, and to be honest Daniel, you should stop doing it, if only to save the rainforest-the amount of paper used up by these letters is immense. If you search around the house, I'm sure you'll find the other letters…you're the archaeologist, if you want them, go excavate!

So, here we are. You wouldn't be reading this if the Air Force wasn't absolutely sure I wasn't coming back to you. I know that mistakes have happened before, when we've been presumed dead and come back to a cleared apartment, a gravesite, and mourning college roommates. And I also know that however much you've changed, you're still the eternal optimist.

But please, if I'm gone, let me be. Don't search for a sarcophagus, or a symbiote. Don't put yourself in danger, don't live half a life, consumed by grief. I will not be coming back this time.

And I'm okay with that.

I know, there's so much more to live for, so much to do, the Ori to stop, a life of mine that's only just begun. But Daniel, I am happy. Happier than I have ever been. All those years at the academy, fuelled by hatred of my father, and feminist values. At the Pentagon, trying to reach the pinnacle of my profession, write a paper, get published, move up in the world. And then the Stargate Program? Saving the world every week? Come on, how many people get to do that? And how many people can last eight years without going completely insane…Okay, I know we've all had our moments. So I guess what I'm trying to say Daniel, is thank you. Thank you for solving the Stargate puzzle, for giving my work meaning. And thank you for being you, and giving my life meaning. There have been so many wonderful times over the years, but these last ones have been the best. The Jaffa are free, the goa'uld are practically non-existent, and we have a new family to look after. And you have always been the constant for me.

I know you think you've changed, and it's true, in many ways. You're less green, more hard nosed, more willing to see into the truth of things. But I love that I can rely on you to be up at three am working on the latest "fascinating" artefact. That a dire coffee run will force you to the commissary and we will both tell each other to get a life. I love that you never pushed me when it came to my work. That you never told me to do anything else, and that you helped me relieve myself of guilt. I think we both know it's easy to take on the blame for things that feel like our fault, even if they aren't. And you have kept me sane.

I don't think I need to say I love you. I'd hope it was rather obvious by now. You are my brother, fellow geek, and as of the last, oh, five years, a fellow warrior.

One piece of advice? I have seen you go, and come back, and regenerate from some kind of matter beyond comprehension, back to plain old flesh and blood. Each time, managing to heal yourself, to save yourself. And that shows an amazing strength. But your heart, your soul? I somehow get the feeling that's not quite healed yet. This new you, this one that advocates violence in the right situation, or sees the evil in things instead of assuming the good. Let him do his job. He's the right man for this fight. But don't let him rule your heart, your life. There are a lot of good people who love you, who want to be part of your life. Let's be honest for a moment, do you really think Vala came back just because she has nowhere better to be? You inspired her, Daniel, you found something good in her that's made her want to fight, to work side by side for something bigger. You keep doing that, helping other people find what's lost, it's a gift. But please don't forget to take something for you too, okay? Please go be happy.

And I do not mean "I love my job, look at this artefact, this culture does this…" I mean finding people to make you happy. Finding happiness that doesn't involve planetary threats, or the simple fact that we survived another day.

One more, slightly selfish, thing. I know that I don't even need to ask you to do this, but you can always use it as an excuse if he gets angry. Don't let Jack get consumed by hatred, okay? I know, he's used to people dying in the field. He's used to a life alone. Well, he was. But he's been on my case for the last year and a half about going and fighting this fight, when I've earned a lifetime's worth of downtime. But so have you…you understand why we keep fighting. And deep down he does too. But don't mention that to him, you know there's a _"Sacrifice is okay when it comes to me"_ rule for him, and a _"Don't get killed"_ one for the rest of us.

I love him Daniel, and I know you do too, so please, make sure he doesn't do something stupid. We had a good thing going, probably the best thing I've had. More than I ever could have asked for, or expected for myself. Don't let him forget that.

And don't let the selfish fool take it personally. If I'm okay with staying dead, that's up to me. I love him, I love you, and I love every moment we've had together. Even the torture and the kidnapping and all manner of strange things.

Go, be happy, live your life, and maybe think of me when you're having your three am triple espresso.

All my love,

Sam


	3. Teal'c

**Dear Teal'c**

**AN: SPOILER **_(although slight, really just suggestion) for _**UNENDING**_. So if you don't want to know, don't read!!!_

_This is the next one, sorry it's been a while._

_Please review if you have the time. Thanks :D_

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Dear Teal'c,

The first time I wrote this letter to you, years ago, before we became who we are, I had no idea what to say. I rewrote it over and over again, each time hoping that I would come up with something that expressed how much you mean to me.  
And then I realised that I didn't know enough. I knew you were strong, a warrior, a proud man, someone who lets their morals guide them, despite what they have been indoctrinated to believe. But I didn't know you. That was the day I came to you and asked you for training. I think you remember…I was particularly terrible in the beginning! Despite being advanced in the combat training of this world, I was as alien to you as you were to me in the training arena.

From then on came the teachings in Blue Jello and Star Wars. I'm sure Jack hasn't quite forgiven me for that one! But I'm glad I could show you something to make your own on this planet, beyond our strange little family. The last few months have been hard for you, I know, everyone wanting to know what happened in the future, where we were, who we were. I will never ask you that, I know my future as best I can, and am satisfied.

And so I reach my point. You know I am not coming back, and as much as I love your loyalty and determination, I am ready for the end. I am so tired Teal'c! So very tired. I have achieved so much, and am satisfied. I have had an amazing life, an amazing family. My life was never going to be the white picket fence cliché…I've developed a certain despondency with clichés over the years. What I mean is, I never expected my life to be the typical version of perfect , and I am so happy that it wasn't.

I know what you'll say. "There is always another battle to be fought Colonel Carter." And that will always be true, and I hope you'll forgive me and not think me weak, but I've done my bit Teal'c. My life was the program, and I am eternally grateful for it, because it brought me you guys. I have fought from the beginning, and I can tell you in advance, I have gone down fighting. I will fight to my last breath to survive, and as long as I am breathing I will fight for Earth. But I am gone now, and please leave me be. I know if the others break, I can depend on you. Don't let Daniel close in on himself, on his work. I somehow believe Vala will help you with this. Check on Cassie, she needs her Uncles. And do what you can for Jack, you know you've always been the one to get to him, to be the brother he needs, to force him to deal with things he doesn't want to. You've been there every time he lost me. Be there now, please. I know I don't need to ask. Look after Cameron as well, he still needs guidance, and he has so much respect for you. Don't raise the eyebrow. He referred to you as his Yoda, if you must know.

And as for you, my friend? I would never tell you how to live your life, but I believe being dead gives me a unique chance to be bossy, so here it is. Do not feel guilty if you feel your place is among the Jaffa. Yes, you have a home on Earth, with us, but if your heart is with the Rebellion, then that is where you should be. Teach some of the younger recruits how to kel-No-Reem, it's just an idea Jack gave me. They are going to experience such a culture shock, they should try and acclimatize. Plus, it may reduce the amount of headcases the SGC churns out! Don't feel like you don't fit, you have always belonged in our family. Yes, we are all a bunch of misfits, a few geeks, a grouchy General and a misplaced warrior. But we fit together. I'm counting on you to make sure it still sticks even when the geek count goes down to one. I believe in you.

I have so much to thank you for Teal'c, not just in the field, but things I can never repay. The constant coffee when I've been on the clock to create some device to save the world. The understanding when you saw me storming through my lab breaking stuff, how you dragged me off to the gym, and complemented me on my training. Asking me a question and just letting me ramble and come to my own conclusions. We never would have solved the black hole problem if you hadn't taken the time to listen to me. For teaching me to Kel-No-Reem, the balance it afforded me in times of crisis, in the seconds that I had to make a decision that was life or death, I found peace with you, through you, and you have always represented that for me.

You have been my rock Teal'c, the most stable and dependable thing I know, and I love you for it. For never doubting me because I was a woman, when everything in you told you you should. For letting me cry over things I wasn't allowed to cry about. For lending me your strength when I just couldn't take anymore.  
I could spend a lifetime thanking you, but what would be the point? You'll nod your head in acceptance and understanding, and no more will need to be said. I love you, and that is all there is. You have helped me through so many things, and I know you feel like I'm giving up, but don't come looking for me. Don't push yourself over the edge, don't put one person before everything we've worked for for over a decade. Let me go.

One word of advice? Your intuition has saved us so many times, and wariness is a strong quality, but don't be afraid to care for people, to love them and let them in. We have to accept the bad and the good in everyone, and you've accepted that people may not understand you, but you also have to accept that some will. You have so much to give. Stop raising that eyebrow. You know what I mean.

Remember me when one of the scientists gets overexcited, or when Hailey inevitably comes asking you to train her in the ways of the Jaffa warrior (I told her to come to the best), or when someone eats the last blue jello. And perhaps, if someone somewhere, one day in the distant future asks you "Did Samantha Carter make a difference?" you will smile in that way you do, bow your head and simply say:

"Indeed"

All my love, from warrior to warrior, friend to friend, brother to sister.

Sam

xxx


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